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AFTER THE HURRICANE (H.I.M.)

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In a place I have never felt was home, I found happiness, I found beauty, and I found joy in the form of him. That was until someone decided I was much too happy, and took my whole little world right from under me. I hate when you tell someone your story and they trivialize into whatever the fuck they think compares to it because that shit for me goes into one ear and out the other. My life hasn't been great, but it was never god awful for me either it was just some things I guess I would've changed before they got to the point of no return. Before I met him I was focused, yes I wanted to be with someone of my choice, hell I wanted it for years, but I kept being sent niggas who were just for the moment, and you could tell because it was some attachment to them, but I never saw myself with any of them long-term. I guess I'm going to have to go all the way back to the beginning, before him I have only had the feeling I'm having now once, and that was when I was 18 years old, he was my first, he was fine as shit, all the girls on campus and pretty much in the city wanted him, and so did the niggas. At that point in my life I had only fantasized, but never really acted on any of the feelings I had, I knew who and what I was, as well as the type of guy I saw myself with, my first was all those things. My adoration for my first was a sign of respect so even when I felt disrespected by him I was reluctant to voice my opinion, I stayed with him until "Valentine's Day" the year I turned 21. We were supposed to be on a date that got canceled by me because of his attitude, and that day I decided that I would never allow myself to feel that way anymore. Now I can't say what measures I took as far as dating is concerned to keep from feeling that way again without making myself look like an asshole, but I made sure from that point on I wouldn't feel the pain of staying because outside it was what I wanted and it looked good. Years would pass but not that many before I met him, I remember the day just like it was yesterday because it wasn't that long ago, we were at work, and I was with some people I vaguely knew but they had been talking about him so much I was eager to see him in person. When he walked in the door it seemed as if time had stopped, and he was floating, I know that it's cliché, but I couldn't hear or see anything except him. The most beautiful man I have seen in person to date, I was immediately ready to risk it all, initially we didn't vibe at all I tried to be nice and friendly, because being from the south that's just who I am, however he wasn't receptive to that, and I was fine with that.


It took him coming around this group of people I was now involved with, me treating his ass for trying to jap out at me, then ignoring him for us to start being cool. He became a breath of fresh air in a place where most of these guys aren't so easy on the eyes, but that's neither here nor there, I will keep this brief to protect the complete identities of the innocent since I've already been accused of not doing read my previous post as to why I had to use my platform in order to defend myself against that. What I wanna say right now though is I'm not all that, but I'm an attractive guy, I have a good heart, I'm loyal to a fault, I altered my entire being to accommodate this man so that he would know without a doubt in his mind that he was really loved. Not bashing, because some men even women do this, but it wasn't out of desperation, and it wasn't because I couldn't find anyone else, I was choosing to focus solely on the goals and vision I had for myself during that time. I gave that up for you, the things you told me about how you felt, and how you were treated I won't disclose because I'm not that type of dude. I will say this with you knowing how much I love you, how much I repeatedly gave up in order to make you feel whole, and you intentionally not only disregard my feelings, but you running around all in these lame flaw ass niggas face, that shit is so disrespectful. I did two of the things you accused me of which I'm not writing on here, I admitted as much to you in person, what you failed to realize or listen to, is there are some evil people on both sides of our fence. You refuse to have a conversation with me to find out what's really going on, I know because shit keeps happening to me even after I cut ties with all parties. I'm not saying you can't have friends, but some niggas I really do know shit about or peep shit about them because I'm older than you, and no I don't want you having anything to do with them at all. After all is said and done my character has never been questioned in the manner you have questioned it, and you had access to almost all of my friends and associates at one point.......BASED ON A TRUE STORY








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