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Revelations: I Just Wanted To See You Clearly

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I can admit that I get a little bit ahead of myself at times, that I may be a little impatient which causes a slight annoyance but it is never done in malicious intent. If I could talk to you right now and make you understand anything it would be this, you reminded me of my first boyfriend and there were a lot of secrets he kept from me because I was very naïve when I met him, with you I could tell when things weren't adding up, but I wanted to believe in you anyway so I kept telling myself other things to soothe my soul. Eventually I wanted the real answers that's all, I wanted to put real faces to these people who were all of a sudden in your life that never seemed present when we were always together, maybe it doesn't matter to you but since you matter to me I wanted to know, I needed to know I had fallen in love with you. I want you to know that I have noticed that when I do something to you, you do it back but you seem to make the situation a lot more intense than what I intended it to be, I never changed my phone number because of you so for you to say that to me hurts a lot, for to you only have me contact you the way I am restricted to contact you hurts even more. The things you said to hurt me I know you said because you are hurt, I know you said them to hurt me back for hurting you, but you left me for 6 months, I had to say something I thought would hurt you equally as bad, for that I was childish but unless it's done to you, you will never understand how that made me feel. Whatever it is between us that's what I want and only from you, I hope you can see now that harm will never to come to you from me, you have too much potential and greatness within you to be letting it go to waste with just anybody. I like to think that when were are together I see your soul, and you have been so kind, you have been vulnerable, you let me in for that I thank you. These people you are around haven't seen you the way I see you, and I can't let you become like them, you don't even like that type of shit.




Now I might be reaching with this one, but when I was going to move earlier last year it was nothing to do with you, understand this any career move or goal I make is to benefit us both I never had intentions on leaving you behind, but that's what you did to me the first chance you got. With knowing you I know that you have a hard time putting faith into the words people tell you until they become actions, but I told I want to see you shine and my plan is to make that happen once I finish military bootcamp/training. I'm not doing this to leave you behind, but in order to better my life I can't help you the way I planned to unless I can completely help myself. I'm loosing the battle more and more with you these days, but I can tell you this path and these people you are now surrounding yourself with aren't good for you, you told me that you hate having lots of people in your business, that you hate socializing with everyone and just anyone that you were very picky with things like that. In order to achieve the things you want to achieve, you have to elevate your circle meaning the people around you have to change, you have did a complete 180 since you left me in not a good way. I kept you away from the bad elements, I kept you away from harm, I kept you out of the streets, I was trying to give you everything that you said you wanted, along with everything that you needed unconditional compassion, kindness, love and care. I have no idea if everything you told me today was true, or was it and has it been your way of pushing me away out of either fear, or because you think when I leave I will do the same, that's not my intention at all. Let me show you that my growth is your growth and my accomplishments, will be your accomplishments, I will never leave you behind, I will never leave your side even when you ask me to. What I can do for now is fallback, give you some breathing room and time reevaluate, I never know where you are anymore, I worry all time if you are safe, so maybe that does make me annoying I don't know, but everything I do I do it for you. Am I supposed to just change my love for you now, and say fuck you, I can't do that you need to comeback so we can complete the plan we started, am I supposed to ignore the craziness that goes on out in these streets and say fuck it he will be alright, well that's not who I am, my intentions are pure, and I'm not going to let you fuck your life up continuing to waste time. Now that we have fallen completely down its time to rise again, fuck the bullshit, fuck the tit for tat, because you know I am here for you please comeback to me. I refuse to leave you behind and I'm not going to watch you struggle, the only way I know how to do that is if you are with me.

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