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Breaking Up "What Becomes of a Broken-heart"

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My pain, my education, and my personal experience has prompted me into writing about my latest relationship, not so much as to air a grievance but more so as a way to heal. I am not the type to get into a relationship with just anyone, nor am I the type to just get into a relationship just for the sake of company, I loved this man, in my eyes he is everything that I have ever wanted. I opened myself up to him completely, all of my raw emotions, all of my shortcomings, all of my flaws he knows them well, and he helped recover from those old wounds I had, he made me so happy and full of life again that I wanted to be his everything forever. His happiness became my happiness, and I put him first while I took a bench seat, I did everything that he asked me to do, and still with all that has been done for him by me he left. In spite of my degree I took jobs I hated to give him everything he wanted, and needed, with him around I didn't need all the things I once needed anymore, which is funny because now that I'm going into my career should be the time when we should both be happy.





I'm not, he told me how he didn't have the love and support that I had in my life, and that he really had to get it out the mud, because of that I never wanted him to feel like that again. True there were some bumps along the road, and those that were my fault I take full responsibility for, but there are things that he placed the blame on me for that I haven't done, I can only grow as a person and the mistakes I made apologize for them, and move forward. I almost feel as though he can't feel things unless it benefits him, and I don't know because he won't communicate with me, he refuses to give me attention, but if I seek it from other people he will say I'm a hoe. I will reiterate the fact that I'm not sleeping with anyone, its hard to find people you even vibe with these days, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this one man, and this is what I get from being loving and loyal. I'm hurt even on my strongest days the fact that I know its him, and only him who makes my heart smile weakens me, I don't want to go through again, and he knew from my previous relationship that I really didn't want to let him get close to me.



Single is a word we throw around to embrace "freedom",but I don't feel so free,I can't see a life in the face of another man but his. Please correct me if I'm wrong,but I thought that's what life was all about,meeting that one person who connects to your soul,and then disappear. Now I'm left holding all of these shattered dreams alone,there is nothing that could make me be ok with that scenario,I want answers as to what I have done so wrong that has warranted this reaction,because he always says he doesn't want someone with nothing to offer,well here I am now the entire package that he feels he can obviously find elsewhere. I don't want to find another him,I'm not interested in giving another man my story,I don't want to take time out of my life to invest in a plan with another man for what???? He was my future,my everything,and I honestly don't know what to do with this broken-heart of mine,you don't just rush to someone else and say ok I'm here let's pretend like I'm good and ready to start again,it took me seven years to even get to that point when I met him. He let outside influences tell him shit about me that couldn't be further from the truth,and on top of that he made it seem as though I made he let me do things for him when that was the agreement that we made.



Im basically the same person I was in undergrad meaning I work,I hit the gym,and take my ass home,I don't go out here because this isn't my type of city,it's like he wants a reason for me not to be the perfect guy so he will feel that he is justified in his actions. It's a lot of stuff that has been brought to my attention that I don't even speak on,but another relationship isn't going to fix this. I don't want anyone in my life,in fact it makes me angry thinking about forcing a feeling with someone else that just doesn't come naturally to me,I'm picky so is he,I'm super selective about the people I let into my life so is he,and most of the time I like being alone and so does he. It's so many things that make sense about who we are as individuals,and to combine it made one kindred spirit,so many people think it's just his appearance that I'm into,that's what drew me in,but his soul,his essence is what kept me around. I say all of this to say that I'm good on loving again,that's not a feeling I want to keep going in and out of because it is consuming so I guess I will have to be enough,this is one heart that will never be broken again. Goodbye my love I guess our sandcastles have washed way
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