The Art of Letting Go!!!

I've had my time to wallow, to cry, to feel self-pity, to reach out constantly, and the yesterday it hit me, this nigga is treating me like I'm his fan, I was reading through some of our old texts where his number is saved in my old phone trying to figure out how it got to this point, I don't deserve that I have never treated him like he was less than myself. Although I pointed out all the sources of communication in my previous article, you are not going to subject me to reaching out to you via any social media source like you've never been in my home. I'm from the south and I'm big on manners, but even bigger on personal connections he knows this, as he has pointed it out himself, I allowed him to use text messages as our form of communication although it's not always my preferred method of contact, once again that respect factor comes in if you allow someone to treat you as though you are nothing, then that is what you will become.


 Now I recognize his efforts, and I know he thinks nothing he does is good enough for me, however I think he knows me well enough by now to know that was more of an insult to me than a stepping stone, you don't do impersonal things to or with a person you have been personal with, again he has my number, he has a phone, he has a car, I am not going to allow you to make me become less than who I am. Everyone has access to you via social media, moving forward I'm not saying I'm over him I love him, I just refuse to wait for him to act like a person, I am ready to interact with another person, I want to laugh, I want to watch movies, I want to talk, I want to text someone who doesn't make up reasons to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I have a limited amount of time left in my regular life before my career transition, and I don't want the time I have to just be regular spent laying around waiting for something that's not going to happen.


Now I'm getting annoyed before my ex went into his little tantrum he has been having, he said that he wouldn't try to cause problems in my life etc, however all these little things keep coming up that could only be associated through him. I have stopped texting him or trying to contact him, he still continues to associate with the very person that I didn't want him associating with when this all started, he tries to keep tabs on me the whole nine. This morning I saw something that I know I said to him, and it's this simple bruhhh if I'm so bad stop all of the stuff you are doing, you should be trying your best to erase me from your head, but you can't because I never did you wrong, and you know what's out there won't love you hard like I do. When you push someone away like he did me for no reason, it bothers people, he wonders probably why I'm not angry, or trying to destroy his life, and it's simple I'm mature enough not to be the person he wants me to be. He did get the satisfaction of me blowing up his phone one last time, but it wasn't to ask him back, it was to ask him to stop doing what he is doing, or be the man I need him to be, if he can't I will keep searching. Psychology is a mind fuck, I was studying for my masters in social science administration, so I am very well-versed in social behaviors, his admitted issue is his pride, regardless of how wrong he is, it's eating him up to do what's right, he can't do it and to make himself feel better he would rather make me look bad it's ok I love you anyway. I will not indulge you anymore, you can find solace in your 20% if you can't do right by me, this time I will be ok.